During these last few months the grass has grown long, ivy has found its way into the loft and ants have made an incursion into the kitchen. But I’ve still done my best to be a good mother, lover, daughter and friend. It takes energy, though, to do this, to poke around in the darkest recesses of memory to recall not the names, the places and the events, but the feelings. It has taken a degree of courage too – these were dark times in some respects – but I’ve survived and understand myself better